Interviewing Myself

As my inquiry is investigating the role of nutrition for dancers, I also needed to identify my own opinions on the subject for later comparison to those of my interviewee's. As well my on going my reflective journal I was able to use the interview questions I asked two other professional dancers. This will hopefully help me with ease of triangulating all the data I have collected for the "Analysis and Findings" part of my critical review. I thought I would share with you some of my more interesting questions and answers. If you have any particular agreeing or debating opinion on any of these questions I would be interested in knowing.

Can you describe how you would define "Nutrition" and what it means to you?

"Nutrition" in its simplest form before beginning this inquiry process has always meant nothing more to me than food. The accumulation of different types of food that allow a human to survive. Essentially what constitutes as a healthy diet. In my exploration into nutrition so far my personal definition has altered. I now consider nutrition to be the aspects of a humans life that enables the body and mind to function in the best way for them. I wouldn't say that merely my food intake is responsible for this but the balance of food intake, emotional well being and physical exertions.

In what way is nutritional knowledge important to your career?

The main difference I would say there is between being a professional dancer and most other careers is that I am completely exposed. With no desk, bench or canvas to hide behind as the subject and result of my work is in fact myself. This is where nutrition is important. Without the correct nutrition, whatever that may be, I believe I more than likely would not be able to work, improve or perform to their best of my ability, which is essentially failing in my career. As a dancer I am always striving to be better, it has been in my nature and training as a performer to think this way. I am also aware that my nutritional knowledge is lacking, and I still have much improvement and aspirations left in my career and maybe knowing my nutritional needs as a dancer would help me achieve this. I have yet to find this out and am aware that there may not ever be a defining answer on such a controversial subject.

How have you found your diet to affect your professional ability?

Personally I have found that when I am hungry, I begin to feel quite weak. Luckily on stage adrenaline is usually there to support me through the low energy points until I am able to eat. In contrast if I eat too much I tend to feel very heavy and lethargic. I can only describe the feeling as when your body tells you its time for a nap, but on stage I do not get this luxury. I wouldn't say that my performing ability is effected too much, although I do prefer when I am feeling neither so I have less "don't show your food baby" thoughts. Rehearsals and class are probably affected most by my food intake. Recently I did class after a very high sugar intake that completely backfired. This class was in the evening and I was feeling particularly tired that day. I had eaten quite of a few sweets in order to get a "sugar boost". I would say a lot of dancers would be familiar with this. However I spent the majority of the class feeling quite sick. In fact I didn't do everything in class because of this. I'm sure my tiredness would have had some part in this but I am pretty sure the sweets were the main culprit.

How does time management between eating and work affect your dancing ability?

During rehearsals we are not always given a lot of time for food breaks. So I usually eat small amounts when I have the opportunity. The rehearsal part of my working season is very short and intense as we usually have a lot to learn and practice. I don't think this has really had any effect on my dancing ability, although at the end of a long rehearsals day my concentration does begin to dip, but I wouldn't say this was because of my diet. On tour the only breaks we are really given are when we are on the tour bus, travelling to the theater or home. Meal times depend on the time of warm up class and shows. This means I usually eat a strange times of the day i.e 11 o'clock at night on the way home from a show. In my company we have a term called "tour belly". Its the feeling of discomfort, usually bloating on my part, that worsens as the tour progresses. I would say this was due to the strange eating habits, in terms of timings, that we suddenly put our body through.

How does being on tour/ performing affect your diet/eating habits? What affect does this have on you?

My professional experience so far has been only with a touring company. This means that after a month of rehearsals, we no longer have a main theater or rehearsal space. Each season consists of travelling in a tour bus throughout the UK, and being in a different city every day for around 3 months. I would say each season period causes a drastic change to my diet and emotion. Tour bus life means I am not always at home each night, I spend the majority of my time off stage physically and mentally drained to the point where on my days off I am not motivated for any activity. This includes cooking. My diet throughout each season usually depends on my mood, time spent travelling and the amount of performances I have that day. If we are away from home, my diet consists of what is available in the nearest shop/service station. A cooked meal is a rarity during the season. Spending 3 months eating sandwiches and salads alone usually make me want to not look at one for a long time in between. I tend to get very bored with my meals, and usually the health factor goes out of the window as the tour progresses.

What would you consider to be the key qualities that are necessary for a professional dancer?

This is what I would say every dancer aspires to have:

• Strong, toned, slender physique
• Flexible limbs
• Versatility in movement
• Versatility in artistry
• Determined attitude
• Strong work ethic
• Confidence
• Stage presence

What do you believe causes your professional dips or "bad days"?

I have by now accepted the fact that I will not always have the best day in terms of my dancing ability. And I am best not to expect to. My tool is my body and some days it wont be as able as others. Tiredness is my biggest issue when in season. When I'm tired its much more difficult to motivate myself for the day ahead. Personal issues can also alter my attitude at work. In my training I have been taught that it is important to separate our personal and professional lives, and I would argue that at crunch time (performances/rehearsals) I am able to do this. But at the end of the day I am human. Sometimes I will slip. The only time I have ever walked on to stage with a "just get through it" attitude was when I had the flu. Cold sweats between diverts was a will breaking experience and unfortunately I let my self expectations dip. I will be forever learning more about myself and my limitations throughout my career and I won't know how to deal with each hurdle until I am faced with it.

Why is confidence important for a dancers ability?

From the very beginning of my vocational training at age 11, I was taught that confidence is key to a dancers success. I have learnt from myself that the more confident I am when approaching my dancing, the most likely I am to do it well. I wouldn't say I am a naturally confident person. I would also say that I do not miraculously find confidence when I need it. What I can do, however, is it fake it.

What is your opinion on "Self Affirmation"?

My understanding of self affirmation is the ability to essentially accept and love yourself.  I was only introduced to self affirmation very recently and so have not had much of experience of practicing it and its argued benefits. I am fascinated by the idea that accepting myself will in turn allow me to find a greater happiness within myself and achieve more in my life and career.

What effect do you feel self affirming has/may have on your dancing ability?

I am not entirely sure. I think maybe taking the time to appreciate how far I have come in my career could have great benefits in terms of my self confidence. I tend to spend more time thinking about what I need to do or what is wrong with my dancing  rather than my achievements. I suppose this negativity could be holding me back mentally. I often have the mentality of "I am not good enough" and "I'm never going to be able to do that" in my work and this probably isn't very helpful to my professional development. I am aware these feelings have stilted my approach to auditions. I also know that on days when I am feeling more confident I usually have a much better day at work. These are the days where I achieve more and so I would believe that if self-affirmation can lead to better self-confidence, then my approach to my work ethic and ability have potential for great improvements.

What would you say to be the attitude the "dancing world" has on self affirmation?

I don't think the dancing world encourages it. It is a rarity that I have gotten positive feedback from my trainer about what I have achieved. Usually throughout training we are told what we need to do further. An established ex-professional ballet dancer commented on my improvement since graduation recently and my reaction was surprise rather than acceptance. As a performer I look for the approval of others (teachers, directors, audience) rather than myself. I usually come off stage thinking about how I could have done better and I would argue that this is a mentality that has been promoted throughout my training and career so far.

What do you believe a professional dancer needs in order to rehearse/perform to the best of their ability?

I think the main thing a dancer needs in order to succeed (as well as the qualities in above question) is happiness. Becoming a ballet dancer has been a very long and hard process and I still have much further to go. At the end of the day the reason I want to dance and do dance is because of my own enjoyment. I wouldn't say this career is worth it without that factor. And although I could try, I would not succeed in this career if it did not make me happy.

I am expecting my thoughts to me a lot more developed than my interviewee's as I have already explored the subject through various literature, which lead me to wishing to ask them these questions. This will, however, hopefully highlight the gap in guidance or information given to dancers about this topic which will lead to my chosen form of Professional Artefact.

Throughout my time in this BAPP course I have found that although it may be easy to ask the opinions of others, considering my own has not come so naturally. My mind, particularly during this final module, has decided that running at 100 mph is the only way to get everything done so reminding myself through the use of my personal journal and taking the time to "Interview myself" has allowed me to stop and determine my own opinions, emotions and developing thoughts.